TW; anxiety. This was me today. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have anxiety because I get so good at controlling it I don’t realize I’m in a perma state of worry. I’ve controlled the fear and worry enough to be manageable and to appear normal, I even fool my fucking self on certain days. “Will I die” turns into “I will die.” Of course I’ll die, I’ll use every inch of my creative mind to tell you how I die. I can think of 10,000 ways it’ll go wrong. I can convince every cell in… my body to attack itself. My mind wants out, my brain says stay. I want to leave my body and I can’t. I feel as if I’m being pulled out of this reality and into another and I just keep thinking “not now not now not now.” But I can’t fully leave, that’s the anxious part. I know there isn’t another reality, I know I’m feeling something that isn’t real, I know my mind is playing tricks on me and yet the experience unfolds. I think “I should know better, I shouldn’t have this anymore to this degree. I should be /i/ manageable. For those who never struggle with anxiety, take those butterflies you feel in your stomach and put them inside your whole body. Take your breath and leave yourself with 15% of it, sweat, try to concentrate on something and fail over and over again. Then feel your heart beat so fast so hard you think “this must be it.” Then survive and look forward to the next one, take it as it comes and continue to persevere and make the world a safer place for others and yourself. I wish I could take it away, I wish I could tell you something that could be the anecdote to your anxiousness but I don’t even have anything. It just comes and you just do it. #anxietysucks #anxiousbutcourageous #anxiety

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